Who Farted Photos

Seriously, Who Farted?

2011-09-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Some teen dude with sideburns, some Latina chick, some white blond dude, some white blonde girl, and two brunettes.

Fart Factor: Pretty high. About a 7.9. Dude's like, what? Latina chicks like, ah no you di-in't! Blond dude's like, huh? Blonde chick's like, my fingers are on fire, but did somebody just drop major ass here in the woods? And the two brunette Kardashian-wannabes are all like, bitch, you better fess up.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Latina chick! Ay, chihuahua!

Unfortunate Album Cover Of The Month

2011-07-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

Hip hop artist Faze releases "Ready To Go."

Not really much to add here. Just that his fart probably sounded like a broken trumpet.

No Title Change Necessary

2011-03-25T13:28:00.000-07:00

Here's an old movie, but let's play anyway:

The Lineup: Some guy I've never seen before and some woman I've never heard of. Just kidding! It's the most famous bachelor on the planet, George Clooney and Catherine Zeta Jones Douglas Sheen!

Fart Factor: A solid (or gaseous?) 8 out of 10. Clooney is both accusatory and guilty-looking. But Zeta Jones appears that she pointed her ass his way.

Most Likely Fart Factor: Sean Penn. He volunteered.

Thank You, Soap Opera Digest

2011-03-11T10:29:00.001-08:00

Thanks, S.O.D. for giving Who Farted Photos an endless supply of material.

"General Gaspital"

"One Life To Whiff"

"As The Seat Rumbles"

"The Young & The Breathless"

Unfortunate Vintage Movie Poster Of The Month

2011-01-11T07:24:00.000-08:00

Air that shit out, Anita.

A Great Source For Gas

2011-01-07T13:01:00.001-08:00

So I discovered the motherlode of terrific "Who Farted" photos in an unexpected source: Soap Opera Digest. Who knew?

#31: Beef and Broccoli

2010-11-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: The Japanese dude from Inception, John Cusack, the woman from Miami Vice, and Chow Yun-Fat. All looking like they're pissing on a city below.

Fart Factor: An intriguing 5.7 out of 10. Ken Watanabe arches an accusing eyebrow. John Cusack tries to get Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" out of his head, Li Gong bravely sits through the gas, and Chow Yun-Fat wishes he could backflip out of there.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Chow Yun-Fat. You could tell because the fart smelled hard boiled. Get it?

Swamp (G)ass

2010-10-19T15:20:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Tommy Lee Jones, John Goodman, and I think that's a black guy(?) in the marshes.

Fart Factor: 8.1 out of 10. Two veteran actors who once bonded over wearing chains around their necks now scowl at each other with flared nostrils and damaged egos. (Or is it flared egos and damaged nostrils?) Meanwhile, Robert Downey Jr. in blackface wades up to his nuts in smelly slime.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Mary Steenburgen. She had a burrito for lunch.

Unfortunate Album Cover of the Month

2010-10-17T23:45:00.001-07:00

*MELODIC LOUD FART*

The Stink of Insoles

2010-10-08T23:48:00.001-07:00

Fashion photography has been woefully under-represented on this blog. So today we explore the fart situation of the home page of Florsheim Shoes:

The Lineup: Christian Bale-ish, Girl who looks like a fucking alien, and a younger, thinner Donal Logue.

Fart Factor: A medium 7 out of 10. Christian Bale-ish thought he heard the train's air brakes; Girl with enormous head with wide-set eyes and no ears tries to hurry by the smell, and young Donal Logue regrets not bringing a coat on the long trip.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Girl with tiny neck that can barely support her gigantic skull

C-C-C-Cold-Farted

2010-09-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Paula Abdul and the proud, sculpted likeness of the Greek god Mercury in a leather jacket, both starring in the straight-to-video romance "Harlequi$4.99 Sweet Deals"

Fart Factor: A dense 8 out of 10. Paula looks acutely ashamed of the blue mist she left her friend in. He however, tries to nobly hold his breath for as long as he can. Paula leans on a nearby wall either out of exhaustion or because she's drunk again.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Simon! What?????

Smells Like Hell.

2010-09-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Tom Hanks and a sea of men of the cloth, one of whom is grabbing his crotch (surprise, surprise).
Fart Factor: A weak 4 out of 10. Everyone knows priests fart in their frocks all the time, so locating the source would be as easy as grabbing any of them by the shoulder.
Most Likely Fart Factor: The priest who just passed by the foreground– you see how he opened up his robes? Jeez, somebody light some incense in here.

Unfortunate Book Cover of the Month

2010-08-04T13:34:00.000-07:00

Unfortunate Magazine Cover of the Month

2010-07-16T02:08:00.000-07:00

Smells Rotten

2010-07-15T06:45:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Hellboy, Charlie from LOST, and 2 evil characters from a Dickens novel.

Fart Factor: A breezy 7 out of 10. Ron Perlman is caught at his least expressive, meaning he doesn't even smell the fart. Dominic Monaghan, however, is getting chest pains from inhaling. The left old coot suspects everyone else. The right old coot considers whipping his horse.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Left old coot. You can tell he's the one that farted because all the color went out of his face.

Old Fart, or That's Not a Motorcycle Sound

2010-06-02T06:17:00.000-07:00

Here's a lovely photo clipped from the British paper "Mail." Yep.

Cover Your Nose, Mouth, and Ass

2010-05-24T09:14:00.000-07:00

From a Flu Prevention flyer I got at work:

The Lineup: Happy black chick, worried accountant lady, aloof white dude, concerned Asian woman, unconcerned young intern, white-haired dude who's breaking the fourth fucking wall, and Kristen Wiig who just saw the box office receipts for "MacGruber."

Fart Factor: a heavy, dense 8 out of 10. Black chick doesn't smell or care. Worried accountant just gagged, aloof white dude is thinking of a math solution to get him out of there, concerned Asian woman wonders what smells like kobe beef, unconcerned young intern is sexting her boyfriend who's cheating on her, white-haired dude SHOULD NOT BE LOOKING AT THE FUCKING CAMERA, and Kristen Wiig should not have taken the part in "MacGruber."

Most Likely Fart Suspect: (as circled by Tom Weingard):

"It's As If She Evaporated Through the Walls..."

2010-05-12T13:56:00.000-07:00

A WFP first: A request by Anonymous:

The Lineup: Let's see... Leonardo Dicaprio standing over a barren miniature prison island. And he had to light a match to belay the stink. Yep, that's it.

Fart Factor: 3 out of 10. No mystery here. Maybe Leonardo is going crazy like he did in "The Beach" or "The Basketball Diaries" or "The Aviator" and suspects someone other than himself.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Himself.

Sound Effect Not Needed

2010-05-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Speed Buggy, Not Fred, Not Daphne, and Not Shaggy

Fart Factor: 8 for loudness. 3 for mystery. The human trio all looking at Speed as if he's right in the middle of one hell of a skidmark-making road ripper. And all three of them apparently sporting wood, too.

Most Likely Fart Suspect:Daphne! Trademark twist ending! BRRRRRAAAP!!

Unfortunate Album Cover of the Month

2010-04-26T06:29:00.000-07:00

Extra bonus for the unfortunate album title.

Clear The Pool!

2010-03-12T13:01:00.000-08:00

The lineup: (clockwise from top left) That guy, that other guy, that chick, and that guy.

Fart Factor: A perfect 10 out of 10. Guy 1 shoots it out with the grace of a swan. Guy 2 is enraptured by the thrill of release. The chick barrels forward with the power of her thighs, and the last guy makes it squeak so loud it whistles.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: EVERYONE.

Making The Ice Crack.

2010-02-23T14:45:00.000-08:00

From the DVD menu to the indie movie "Frozen River:"

The Lineup: (from left to right) Stan Marsh, Shaun White, Holly Hunter, and the Star Wars kid. And two people drive away, disgusted.

Fart Factor: 4.3 out of 10. Kid mopes. Teen denies. Mom sniffs. Nerd ignores.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The little kid is hiding his face because his ass has already spoken.

Unfortunate Album Cover of the Month

2010-02-16T12:51:00.000-08:00

From the hardcore band Structures, what is supposed to depict something awesome like a volcano in the ocean looks like an old man's chapped ass after a trip to Del Taco.

Unfortunate Movie Poster of the Month

2010-01-28T11:38:00.000-08:00

The smoke + that unfortunate placement of that second "0" in "2010." Smelly.

Do You Smell Dog?

2010-01-28T08:52:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt, Agent Smith and Benicio Del Toro in the role he was born to play.

Fart Factor: 6.2 out of 10. Suddenly Hannibal Lecter isn't hungry. Emily Blunt can't understand how some people can be so darn rude. Hugo Weaving can't get the smell out of his 'stache. Benicio smells so bad already, he can't even tell the difference.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The wolf. Because everyone blames the dog.

Special Guest Entry: "Congratulations, It's A Fart!"

2010-01-22T08:51:00.000-08:00

Submitted by old school hip hop DJ John Reid, a terrible Lindsay Lohan vehicle:

The Lineup: Lindsay Lohan looks up at us as we catch her farting an M.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Lindsay's been doing so much coke, she glows and apparently reeks of urine. This has affected her gastrointestinal tract, causing her to excrete out offensive bits of gas. Most recently, "I Know Who Killed Me" and "Herbie Fully Loaded."

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Lindsay, although she'll most likely blame her Dad.

No, It's Not.

2009-12-29T10:58:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: The inimitable Meryl Streep and Stephen Baldwin's fat brother star in this year's box office Dutch oven.

Fart Factor: 8 for intensity. 2 for mystery.

Most Likely Fart Factor: PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN.

Did You Hear That?

2009-12-08T13:33:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: Hannah Montana and a floating head with frosted tips.

Fart Factor: 7 out of 10. Miley Cyrus heard something loud, and it made her stop smiling for once. The floating head with frosted tips tries to hide behind the sun. And two miniature people hold on tight as the weeds are blown by the enormous ass-wind.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Since floating heads don't typically have anuses, we're going to have to go with Miley Cyrus here. Poot!

STYNK.

2009-12-07T14:48:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: What looks like TJ from "The Sopranos," Ryan Phillippe, and the chick from that one 007 movie. And a ray of sunshine lights up the methane.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. Tony Junior isn't sure if he should bring it up. Ryan Phillippe just hopes the odor doesn't get absorbed by his goatee, and Eva Green could care less if anyone heard it. Got a cigarette?

Most Likely Fart Factor: Follow the sunlight; it's pointing at TJ. Yeah, you!

Oxygen Mask, Please

2009-12-01T08:52:00.001-08:00

I don't know what it is about Star Trek or William Shatner, but they both end up on this fart blog a lot.

The Lineup: The great, legendary Shatner, and the gremlin from the classic "Twilight Zone" episode.

Fart Factor: 7 out of 10. Shatner is ashamed. Or repulsed. Or distraught. Or terrified. Or wistful. And the gremlin cannot believe Shatner farted.

Most Likely Fart Suspect:KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

An Album Cover That's Too Easy

2009-11-17T09:08:00.000-08:00

Moon Gas? Dick Hyman? This is a third grader's gigglefest.

Personally, I think Mary Mayo is pretty hilarious.

This One's Too Easy

2009-10-23T09:45:00.000-07:00

I mean, the title of the movie, the look on the kids' faces, even the tagline are all such softballs for this website. I mean, why not just call it "Farty Farthing and the Forty Fartsters" while you're at it?

If this blog were a lion, it would give this movie poster to its young so they can learn to hunt.

Unfortunate Album Cover of the Month

2009-10-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

The "Catwoman" Score by Klaus Badelt, which I imagine contains lots of violin strings that screech like cats. Halle Berry lays a big ol' cat fart on all of Gotham:

And I don't know about the music, but the album cover matches the quality of the movie perfectly. Honk.

Brundlefart

2009-10-09T13:30:00.000-07:00

The Line Up: "Ah, well, you see...ah, we have three, ah, people there on the DVD, ah, cover...myself, Willem Dafoe, who ah, was great in "The English Patient," and, ah, some woman who I can't remember but who looks like, ah Anne Hathaway, yes."

Fart Factor: "Ah, I would say, ah, a 4 out of ten, yes... I look confused or embarrassed; maybe both. Willem Dafoe just looks tired, and ah, Anne Hathaway pretends she didn't even hear or, ah, smell it."

Most Likely Fart Suspect: "Who knows, ah? There's no predicting it. That's, ah, the beauty of Chaos Theory, yes."

Blast From the Past

2009-10-06T01:35:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Grandma, YOU, and Mom, circa 1970.

Fart Factor: 5 out of 10. The two adults in the room are pretty incredulous, but you seem either oblivious to the smell or are proud of what you just farted out.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Grandma. She farted so hard the silver in the cabinet darkened.

New Moon (No Pun Title Needed)

2009-09-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Kristen Stewart, that Robert Pattinson or Patterson guy, and six teen emoters. All in brown mist.

Fart Factor: I'd give it a 6.5 out of 10. From left to right, jock vampire knows what's up. Cheerleader vampire doesn't appreciate the smell. Kristen Stewart turns away but likes how it blows her hair. Robert Pattinson or Patterson or whatever claws Kristen's back as if he's about to squeeze another one out. Blond vampire can barely see or smell anything from back there in the bleachers. Wynonna Judd vampire smirks from afar. Sassy best friend vampire with a bob haircut encourages the farter to ratchet that action up to actual poop, and curly-haired douche vampire will pretend he didn't hear that loud clap.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The werewolves. They always blame the werewolves.

Live From Cleveland

2009-09-21T13:56:00.000-07:00

"Chaos begins when the heat rises...from someone's pants."

The Lineup: An EXTREMELY huge Val Kilmer, who's obviously let himself go, and three girls whose names I don't care to learn. And a fan inside the lettering can't blow away the whiff, so they're all screwed.

Fart Factor: A steamingly hot 9. Girl 1 cannot believe it- she just straightened her hair. Girl 2 (Anne Heche?) denies knowing anything about a fart. Girl 3 should really close her mouth. And ginormous Val Kilmer just enjoys the rancid cloud and lets it seep into his beard. And somewhere towards the floor of the room, Willow is gasping his last breath.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Girl 3. And she's about to let another one, by the looks of it.

Farty Keitel

2009-09-04T08:30:00.000-07:00

(Alternate Title: Somebody Light a Cage Match)

The Lineup: The two leads from "Ghost Rider." I guess it was such a lucrative movie that they decided to team up again.

Fart Factor: 3 out of 10. Nicolas Cage gives that intense Nicolas Cage squint– he suspects that maybe whoever farted is hiding under the Declaration of Independence. Eva Mendes (I've gone on record saying I'd let her fart on me) looks more disappointed than anything. And a bunch of miniature cops have to sit in the big ol' stink cloud.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Nicolas Cage. What an a-hole.

Burning Methane

2009-08-13T07:49:00.000-07:00

The Line-uppe: Monsieur Vin Diesel Look-alike een a well tailored suit, Monsieur Jean-Philippe Badass sans shirt, et Mademoiselle Hugeboob in a French action film explosif de Alain Desrotters. Oh la la!

Facteur de Fart: 7 out of, how do you say, 10?

Monsieur Baldé theenks that somewohn has leeked a fart een the atmosphere. He cannot believe his nostreels!

Jean-Luc Scruffé can smell something térrible, certainement. Eet has started to curl hees hair, no?

Et le pretty lady avec les grandes nichons knows the foul odour ees wafting een her direction. C'est horrible pour elle!

There ees also a personne spirituele gigantique een the background, seeting een the meest. Ees he the source of the fart? Or is he the fart eetself?

Most Likely Suspect de Fart: Germany. They start everytheeng!

Shields Down! And Somebody Crack a Window!

2009-07-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: The guy from "In Search Of," the old black woman from "Heroes," and the Priceline Negotiator.

Fart Factor: Warp 7, Captain. We've picked up readings of a noxious methane leak in the cabin, with possible traces of sulfur. Changing scanner frequency to isolate the source.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Not to narc him out, but I saw Sulu in the break room eating space egg rolls.

I'll Be There For You

2009-07-10T12:01:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Jennifer and Dave.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. Dave is having a hard time listening either because he wants to catch a peek at her "Rachel" or because he can't hear her over the loud butt clap.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Sorry, we're all out of time. Good night, folks!

Breakfast? No Thanks.

2009-07-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: A princess, a brain, and an athlete.

Fart Factor: Pretty high. I heard a noise from the other room, and I know it was one of you. So you better tell me who it was right now. You know what? You just bought yourself another Saturday, mister.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The big statue. At least that's what the basket case said.

But It Smells Like Detroit.

2009-06-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Peter Sarsgaard, Sienna Miller, and the server from Bennigan's who would like to know if I'm interested in Tanked Wings, Hoagie-Stogies or B-Bite Sliders this evening or if he'd like to just start me out with a drink order.

Fart Factor: Way high. About an 8.87. Sarsgaard plays it cool, not trying to make any eye contact through all the lens flares. Sienna, however, knows what's up already. And the server from Bennigan's is sorry, but they're out of both Guinness Glazed Chicken & Shrimp and the Black & Bleu Bacon Burger, but they can make a Tavern Melt really quickly, if I'd like that.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Bennigan's. Either the melted American cheese or the sautéed onions were enough to cause my ass to start a Happy Birthday clap song.

Holocronic Diarrhea

2009-06-04T11:50:00.000-07:00

Alternate Title: "Rumblebee"

The Lineup: Megan Fox, Shiaia LaBeoueuff, and several big piles of soda cans, all running from the hugest beef the desert has ever witnessed.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Sand clouds, light beams, and even scrap metal is flying everywhere because someone ate a seven layer burrito the night before.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Like anything from Michael Bay, it's hard to tell because it's all so jumbled.

I Vant To Go Into Another Room!

2009-05-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Mopey & pale vampire dude, young Josh Brolin, and Kristen Stewart with so much makeup, she resembles an old Chinese masseuse.

Fart Factor: A bloodsucking 5 out of 10. Rob Pattinson was distracted enough to lose his heroic pose. Josh Brolin thought he heard a duck, and Kristen Stewart shields herself from the brown mist.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Look at Josh Brolin's hands. He forced one out like a bat out of hell.

A Pair of Aces

2009-04-27T10:48:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: A Dawson's Creek version of the real MIT kids who hustled a Vegas casino using math. I don't recognize anyone but Kate Bosworth.

Fart Factor: A possible straight. Lead guy heard something, but Asian dude ain't talkin'. Asian girl and white boy redirect the attention onto lead guy. And Kate Bosworth wonders how light is escaping from lead guy's belly.

Most Likely Fart Suspects: The entire back row. Throw in two non-farters, and you got yourself a full house! Hayooo!

Viva La Flatulance!

2009-03-27T04:51:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: French First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy and First Lady of Cameroon Chantal Biya listen to a speech by French President Nicolas Sarkozy. And somebody cut the fromage, n'est ce pas?

Fart Factor: A térrible 6 out of 10. The French hold firm in their stand against bio-weapons, while the Cameroons (Cameroonians?) escalate the tension with strong accusations under a mushroom cloud of hair.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The sovereign nation of Cameroon. THIS IS AN ACT OF WAR!

Swamp Gas

2009-03-23T12:04:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: (from left) Nobody, Nobody, Nobody, Nobody, and Nobody. And a tagline that bubbles up to the surface.

Fart Factor: A+. First dude is really pissed about it. Second dude is still taking in a whiff. The first two girls are daydreaming about a fart-free Louisiana, and the third girl wishes she hung out with Seniors for a change.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Guy #2. He's kind of proud about it.

The Stink and I

2009-03-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Nell and not Yul Brynner.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. In a battle of wills, East collides with West, and a rank cirrus cloud of stank permeates through the silk. Jodie Foster begs the king's pardon, and Chow Yun-Fat smiles through the awkward moment, trying to rise above it.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Chow.

And Yet Another Unfortunate Album Cover

2009-03-06T13:58:00.000-08:00

Alternate titles: Squeezed Dreams, Eurfarting, and No More I Love Yous.

Must...Fan...Air...

2009-03-04T08:50:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: The extremely hot Diane Lane, the extremely likeable John Cusack, and the extremely flatulent Walter the Farting Dog.

Fart Factor: 7 out of 10. Diane hotly tries to deflect suspicion away from herself, directing all attention to John...

...but John isn't having it. She's such a scamp that way, that woman! He shoots back a look that says, "No, honey, that was not me" and sends the attention to...

..."Aww man. Why is always blamed on me? I mean, my diet consists mainly of dry dog food and water, so how can something that smells so bad be attributed to me? It's not like I've been the one making drunken trips to Del Taco at 4am. You know what? This is bullshit."

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Diane Lane.

Yet Another Unfortunate Album Cover.

2009-03-03T08:45:00.000-08:00

This one from Japan. From the album "Rainbow" by Ayumi Hamasaki, whoever that is:

The PseudoTemple of Poot

2009-02-18T08:41:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: Richard Chamberlain, because his name had the closest syllables to "Allan Quatermain," and that woman who built an entire film career from showing her pussy. Yeah, and I know it's a drawing rather than a photo, but fuck off.

Fart Factor: A feeble 5 out of 10, despite the actors' best efforts.

Allan Chambermain smells something terrible and wants to shoot it.

Sharon Stone also smells something terrible and wants to shoot it, but right after she flashes her vagina.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Look closely at the poster.

Richard Quaterlain is wafting away the poot, which originates from SHARON STONE! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!

Fart On Three. One...Two...

2009-02-10T09:34:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: You can read, can't you? Jesus.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Both men are offended, although only one of them is innocent. Travolta thinks it smells so bad he has to clench his jaw. Denzel tries to rise above it all but can't get beyond the offense. And a train is coming out of the hole.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: I really hate to accuse the black guy, but yeah.

Thunderdome.

2009-02-05T14:13:00.000-08:00

(Alternate title: "Who Runs Fartertown?")

A reader submission by Tom Weingard: a page from US Magazine.
Click to enlarge for the full effect.

The Temple of Poot

2009-02-01T02:16:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: Half of Ashley Judd's face, Harrison Ford who may or may not be wearing a fedora, some kid, and Ray Liotta who may or may not have his brain exposed.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. Lots of nostril flaring and accusatory looks. Ray has a look of disbelief. Jim Sturgess doesn't take sides. Han Solo thinks he smells a Wookiee, and Ashley Judd is just glad she's not playing a cop again (is she?).

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Ray Liotta. Now he's got to go back into Witness Protection. (losing horns)

An Incorrect Title.

2009-01-30T07:54:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: HOLY CRAP, IT'S THE GUY FROM "SERENITY"...no, wait just some guy; HOLY CRAP, IT'S REESE WITHERSPOO...no, that's not her either; HOLY CRAP, IT'S BRAD P... shit, this movie is full of nobodies.

Fart Factor: High. 8 out of 10. The guy with the rope bracelet is saying, "You're not fooling anybody, Reese Witherspoon. The dude packing looks at the camera as if to say, "Can you believe she just farted in front of everybody?" And Reese Witherspoon lookalike is just glad the rupture didn't make her boobs fall out.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Since she never admitted to it, we're going to have to declare a mistrial here. Everyone is dismissed.

Put a Ring On It.

2009-01-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: Some dude too tall for a poster, Béyéoncéé Knowlés, and the boring chick from "Heroes."

Fart Factor: 5 out of 10. And I'm not saying it's a racial thing, but I can't help but feel like somebody's blaming whitey.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Whitey.

Snikt! Poot!

2009-01-20T07:36:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: The guy who empties my gutters every fall, the guy who rings me up at the car wash, Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber with a terrible manicure, and the girl who I gave a look to on the bus.

Fart Factor: 7.3 out of 10. Wolverine is pretty defiant of the accusation, whereas everyone else can't even bring themselves to look at the camera. Or else someone dropped a nickel.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The guy who empties my gutters every fall. I always knew that sound wasn't from the squeaky gutters.

Blow It Out Your Ass.

2009-01-13T08:19:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: NOT the girl from Six Feet Under, and possibly the guy from Smallville, but who gives a shit, really.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. Red smells something. But Clark is playing oblivious. Luckily someone down below has taken it upon themselves to light a match.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Nora Roberts. That chick cranks farts out almost as frequently as her rag books.

That Big Bass Thump.

2009-01-08T11:41:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: DJ GroceryClerk and DJ BrotherofGroceryClerkWhoNeedsToBorrowLikeFiveDollars

Fart Factor: 4 out of 10. At 120 beats per minute. One of them was hoping the "Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss" would hide his butt burst. But nope.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: DJ I'mTooLazyToTypeOutHisWholeNameAgain

"Forgive Me, Father"

2008-12-23T13:44:00.001-08:00

alternate title: He Who Farts In Church Must Sit In Pew

The Lineup: Oscar winners ahoy. They look good in black.
Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Philip Seymour Hoffman exudes guilt. Amy Adams seeths with innocence. Meryl Streep emotes with suspicion. And a dark cloud of methane and doubt hangs throughout.
Most Likely Fart Suspect: Amy Adams! Yaaaay!!

"How ya like that, Freckles?"

2008-12-09T07:34:00.000-08:00

Sawyer from LOST lets one fly underwater. Funny thing is that used to be a tranquil lake.

Can You Feel It?

2008-11-22T13:54:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: Oscar winner Forest Whitaker, Virginia Madsen, Minnie... oh hell, you can read, can't you? Shit.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. A cloud of mystery surrounds the whole group. Forest tries desperately to look innocent. Minnie Driver is about to take names. Virginia Madsen pretends she's sitting at another table. And Philippe Caland (?????????) contemplates his fate as he dies in a yellow cloud.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Minnie Driver. How do you like them apples?

Another Unfortunate Album Cover

2008-11-14T10:19:00.000-08:00

OUCH!

2008-11-07T11:48:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: IT HURTS!!!

Fart Factor: HOLY SHIT!!! I'VE STARTED CRAMPING!!!! WHY DID I GO TO CHIPOTLE?!?!?!!

Most Likely Fart Suspect: OH GOD IN HEAVEN, IS THAT BLOOD??!!!!!

Contributing To the Smog Problem

2008-11-06T13:29:00.000-08:00

The Lineup: Three terrifyingly huge floating heads over L.A. and two men fucking.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Gina Torres' gigantic head definitely smells something and looks over the horizon for the source. Henry Simmons (I'm assuming that's his name since I have yet to meet a black man named Kip) scans the eastern shore. Kip waits around for another smoking gun. Then the two guys keep fucking, unawares of the ass terror coming their way.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Kip. Sure, blame it on the white guy.

Unfortunate Album Cover.

2008-10-31T09:20:00.001-07:00

Subway Wind Tunnel

2008-10-21T15:53:00.000-07:00

The lineup: A mediocre TV show and a mediocre movie, together in the bowels of the New York Transit Authority.

Fart Factor: Overall, 7 out of 10. Joshua Jackson and Denethor, Steward of Gondor huddle behind the super-hot Anna Torv for shelter from the ass gas. Joshua thinks he thought it coming from over the hill. Denethor and the super-hot Anna Torv, however, accuse you, the viewer.

Meanwhile, Shia Laboeuoeuouef and the chick from MI:3 accuse each other of leaking the information. They're both equally offended, but only one is the true shooter.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: I guess her name is Michelle Monaghan. Whatever. Take her away, boys.

People...People Who Accuse People...

2008-09-28T23:31:00.000-07:00

The lineup: The guy from Jaws and the woman from Yentl in a swirling, billowing tale of intrigue and methane.

Fart Factor: 4 out of 10. He's trying to help her, but only if she helps herself first. How the hell does that even apply to farting. Spell this movie backwards and you get the reaction to how bad it smells.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Richard Dreyfuss! Plot twist!

Pootraker

2008-09-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

The lineup: Hot chick sidekick #421 and a finally good James Bond. Neither of them wanting to talk about what just happened.

Fart Factor: 007 out of 10. Aya C. Labia is new to the scene but holds her ground. James Bond pretends not to call attention to himself (or the gun icon pointed at his crotch) but walks upwind from her, just in case she's a turncoat. And they're in the middle of nowhere, so that should narrow down the suspects.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Q, who's wearing the cloaking device to the left of them.

Packing Your Own Lunch.

2008-09-18T08:25:00.001-07:00

The Lineup: Four anonymous schmoes playing blue collar fellows for a comedy series on a male-oriented network. You can smell more than testosterone.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. Not Adrien Brody somehow cannot detect anything with his huge Adrien Brody-like nostrils. Scruff McGowan can, however, smell a hint of ass. Fat guy resigns himself to always being accused of doing it. And angry dude near the hinge looks at the others with contempt for ruining his air.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The angriest one in the group is usually protesting too much. So him.

Reboot

2008-09-16T07:42:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Some of Hollywood's most talented veteran actresses. You know all their names, except maybe Debra Messing's.

Fart Factor: An obvious 9 out of 10. Annette Bening tries to not let it interrupt a call with her agent. Jada Pinkett-Smith tries to fan it away towards Debra Messing's open mouth (gross). And Meg Ryan curls her already post-op, unnaturally-curled lip. Eva Mendez looks hotly recalcitrant.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Man, she is so hot. I'm not into farts, but I'd let her.

Someone's Lactose Intolerant.

2008-08-05T13:38:00.000-07:00

Alternate title: HO HO HO Farted

The Lineup: Santa. Some elves. Some Martians. Oh yeah. And a robot. Zero sense.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Santa is clearly unjolly about whoever did it. There are stoic Martians and a huge honking robot in his house, and someone cutting a gyro isn't exactly making his life simpler. Santa's even rolled up his sleeves to get to the bottom of it.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Martian #3 to the right. He's trying to act natural, because Santa looks PISSED.

The Gas Face

2008-07-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: A whole slew of rappers I've never heard of, looking threatening or threatened because someone just broke out an ass cipher.

Fart Factor: A respectable 9.2 out of 10. In the mix, surprise, shock, outrage, and social commentary.

MC Hoof Artid cannot "Belee Dat."

Superintendent Air Bizkit wishes his hat could be pulled lower.

Lighta Match was reading the New York Times and doesn't appreciate the distraction.

MC Skidd Marx regrets being the "featured" artist instead of T-Pain.

Pooter Tang wants to get to the bottom of this, without getting to the bottom of this.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Mistah Fab. He tries to ignore the hub-bub, but you can see he's breaking a sweat over it.

WFF--Peeping Tom (1960)

2008-06-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

Overall Fart Factor: 7.5 out of 10.

"Fartknockers" Was Taken.

2008-06-16T12:51:00.000-07:00

The lineup: A who's who of B and C-grade celebrities, all playing FBI profilers trying to find a serial killer in a terrible, terrible movie. Time is running out. And so is their oxygen supply.

Fart Factor: 7.5 out of 10. (clockwise from top) LL is that type of guy to drop gas and never tell. Random model chick feels threatened but pretty. Jonny Lee Miller stays cool but doesn't inhale. Kathryn Morris wishes her nose could disappear wherever her ears went. Random other dude warily (and wisely) keeps his mouth closed. Val Kilmer would like another meatball hoagie and a comb. And Christian Slater can't believe he's still in movies.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The watering eyeball in the secret square points at the shooter– K.M.!

WFF--Sneakers (1992)

2008-06-16T11:12:00.001-07:00

Overall Fart Factor: 6 out of 10

WFF--Freaky Friday (2003)

2008-06-12T16:52:00.001-07:00

Overall Fart Factor: 9

Who Farted Freestyle--Rocky Balboa (2006)

2008-06-11T22:38:00.001-07:00

Overall Fart Factor: 7

New WFP Segment: Who Farted Freestyle!

2008-06-11T12:18:00.001-07:00

Introducing a new segment without Lineup or Most Likely Fart Factor. Let's Freestyle with the 1982 film TRON!

Overall Fart Factor: 6

The Big One.

2008-06-09T16:00:00.000-07:00

The lineup: You know 'em, you love 'em. The big boys of WWII in the historic Yalta Conference. And somebody here farted al fresco.

Fart Factor: 7 out of 10. Winston pushes the troops to France. FDR steels himself for a second air attack. Stalin prepares for another Great Purge. Three strong-willed leaders. Three unfortunate chairs.

Most Likely Fart Factor: Both Churchill and Roosevelt were known for frontal offensives. Only Stalin executed rear attacks.

Not Just Strong. Army Strong.

2008-06-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

(alternate title: Rear Admirals)

The lineup: Desperate Housewives, but not, because they're married to army guys, and it's on Lifetime instead of ABC. So it's totally different. And somebody farted.

Fart Factor: 7 out of 10. (Clockwise from the top) Sgt. Major Blondie is coy about the accusation. Corporal Vague Ethnicity is confident that she'll be exonerated. Private First Class Pantene Pro-V tries to ignore it altogether. Admiral Hey-That's-The-Girl-From-JAG-She's-Totally-Getting-Typecast thinks the P.F.C. dropped it. General Hoop Redhead won't be taking any shit– or gas– from Blondie anymore.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Pantene. Not asking and not telling totally doesn't work around here, baby.

There Will Be Blood? Why?

2008-05-28T15:02:00.000-07:00

(alternate title: Not Saved By the Bell)

The lineup: Faye Dunaway slums it with Eric Roberts and the chubby girl from the Peach Pit. It is unknown why their eyelines are far to the left of Tiffani Thiessen's ass.

Fart Factor: An obvious 4 out of 10. Eric and Faye can't handle the smell, and Tiffani looks unapologetic. Deal with it, oldies! And- hooray!- the tagline doesn't need to be altered.

Most Likely Fart Factor: The middle name "Amber" isn't the only thing she dropped.

The Shape of My Fart

2008-05-26T00:23:00.000-07:00

(alternate titles: Unbreaking Wind, Tiger Beef Magazine, Climbing the Farts)

The lineup: The four Backstreet Boys who decided to reunite, minus the one that sort of looked like Daniel Day Lewis.

Fart Factor: A casual 5 out of 10. From left to right, (Editor's Note: I did NOT know these dudes' names and had to Wikipedia them) Brian Littrell maintains eye contact with the camera through the mist; Nick Carter wonders if the fart somehow affected his hair; Howie Dorough suspiciously plays the innocent; and I can't tell what A.J. McLean is thinking through all that shit on his face.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Brian Littrell always wanted his own solo release. And there it was.

A Change is A-Blowin'

2008-05-23T19:21:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: The next President of the United States, Senator Barack Obama and The next President of the United States, Senator Hillary Clinton.

Fart Factor: Results are not in yet, but CNN has projected Obama to have 67% of the gas pains. What some analysts have seen as him basking in victory, others think Obama is simply sniffing out a leak from the competition. CBS, however, has projected Clinton to take the lead with a big push in the lower southeast, down Delaware before I enter. Brian Williams said Clinton looked "shaken" by whatever Obama is sharing with the panel. It smells strangely half-Kansan, half-Kenyan.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Not pictured, that old Republican fart.

My pickup died. My wife left me. Then, I soiled my drawers.

2008-05-23T15:13:00.000-07:00

The Lineup:
2 country stars take themselves and their gaseous elements so seriously, even a hat with a wide brim can't conceal it. Their horses ran away after their nostrils became filled with fury.

Fart Factor:
A twangy 7 out of 10.

Most Likely Fart Suspect:
They both did. Because that's what America would do. Consider it Farts for Freedom.

Big Explosion Firefight Methane Bomb Excitement!

2008-05-23T09:42:00.000-07:00

The lineup: From the middle to the side, Ryo, Kazuki, Moshi, Hasai, Fen Kro, oh what the hell, I don't know. You tell me. I don't watch this shit.

Fart Factor: 9 Trillion out of 10. Goshi looks angry, as does Doctor Foo with the pillbox hat. The tiny head of Kazza looks contemplative, whilst Bo-yan looks on with bloody bukakke on him. Josiah looks angry, as does Metaldo, Krigge, and Forontt. Parei looks angry, and so does Esou, Tsuranga, F-Makko, and Sedresso-68. The others, however, look angry.

Most likely Fart Suspect: That white one on the left. Look at his veins– he's pushing another one out right now! DUCK!

Jazz Hands Will Help Waft It a Bit.

2008-05-21T13:15:00.000-07:00

The lineup: YOUR UNLV Rebel Girls! Let's hear it, fellas! These girls have practiced their hearts out and kept their school spirit, just to be able to explode in front of you at halftime!

Fart Factor: 3 out of 10. All the spirit in the world wasn't enough to drive that terrible smell THAT-A-WAY. Some are checking their fresh pits for the source. Most have kept their pasted-on smiles throughout the ordeal.

Most likely Fart Suspect: Cassie, the dirty blonde. She's trying to ventriloquist that shit over to Brianne.

There's a threat in the air.

2008-05-20T09:02:00.000-07:00

The Lineup:

The chick from that seminal MTV teen show and gerbil guy. Given what could or could not have been going on "up there", it's surprising he hasn't made an appearance on this site before.

Claire is a deer in headlights. Richard, on the other hand, appears to be concentrating hard. Always a sign of guilty. Also, I've never heard of this movie.

Fart Factor:

6 out of 10.

Most Likely Fart Suspect:

They're both guilty.

The Young and the Pungent

2008-05-13T17:03:00.000-07:00

The Lineup:

Laslow casts an accusatory glance. Chase stands idly by. Cecily owns up.

It's your typical daytime drama.

Fart Factor:

8 out of 10.

Most Likely Fart Suspect:

Cecily. She's always steaming up trouble.

Attracting Flies

2008-05-13T10:34:00.000-07:00

The lineup: A windswept Hilary Swank and the little blonde girl from Bridge To Tarabithia, not to be confused with the little blonde girl from Atonement.

Fart Factor: 5 out of 10. There is something in the air. An unsettling hum of something big on the horizon. A silence broken by an oncoming roar. Somebody's eaten a barbacoa burrito from Chipotle and you cannot stop the methane onslaught: Poot!

Most Likely Fart Factor: Hilary doesn't want to hear the truth. But sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction and harder to take. The truth lies within her. But not for long.

50 Scent.

2008-05-09T14:21:00.001-07:00

The Lineup:

50 Cent. Hip hop megastar. Vitamin Water spokesman. Detector of The Big Stinky.

Fart Factor:

9.5 out of 10.

Most Likely Fart Suspect:

Society.

In Need of a Silencer.

2008-05-07T14:36:00.000-07:00

The Lineup:

"Hitman," UK box office smash, featuring the protagonist and his piercing blue eyes, likely femme fatale with sideboob, and my that's a long gun.

Fart Factor:

9 out of 10

Most Likely Fart Suspect:

The hitman. You can see the noxious stink fumes on his jacket. Plus, sideboob looks upset.

That Hissing Ain't a Snake.

2008-05-07T10:24:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: Aaliyah and that dude whose name I always hear but wouldn't recognize on the street. Both caught up in a green world of moldy, steaming ass.

Fart Factor: 8 for intensity. 1 for mystery.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: She rocked the boat.

It was you, all right.

2008-05-06T09:16:00.000-07:00

The Lineup:

"Promises", a Canadian-based pop group that made waves in the late 1970s with their hit "Baby, It's You." The group is made up of Leslie, Jed, and Benny. And they're all siblings!

Fart Factor:
7 out of 10. All are stoic against the stink. They were raised right.
Leslie later went on to record two songs for the 2001 Dennis Hopper movie "Choke." The two brothers wound up dancing jigs at farmers markets.

Most Likely Fart Suspect:
Contrary to popular belief, overalls don't cover everything. Jed did it.

Why the Amber Grain Waves.

2008-05-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

The lineup: Four of our nation's most famous and beloved presidents– George, Tommy, Teddy, and the one from the Rozerum commercials with the beaver. All four sit in an odd-shaped cloud of stink that would rot your wooden teeth. All wish they had arms to hold their huge noses.

Fart Factor: Surprisingly, 8 out of 10. George tries to keep a stiff upper lip. Thomas looks for concrete proof of the source of poot. Teddy remains stonefaced. And Abraham protects the back of his head.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: He cannot tell a lie.

Jimmy Eat Fart, or Dashfart Confessifart

2008-05-05T10:58:00.000-07:00

The lineup: The very emo cast of the upcoming "Twilight," which might either be a TV series I won't watch or a feature film I won't watch.

Fart Factor: 4 out of 10. Lots of awful, Evanescence-like poetry will be written from this. Emo Pippi Longstocking plays coy. Jock emo dude (there IS such a thing!) acts defiantly nonchalant. The chick from "Panic Room" squirms in discomfort as her bedheaded beau moodily tries to restrain her (and himself). Blonde goth looks on with dead eyes, and severely bedheaded goth "I like you only as a friend" dude wonders where the nearest Hot Topic is. And a heavy gray cloud lingers over their hearts like cobwebs on my dreams.

Most likely fart suspect: Life.

Rim-Rattling.

2008-05-01T15:03:00.000-07:00

The Lineup:

LSU Men's Basketball coach John Brady, Forward (and current NBA role player) Glen "Big Baby" Davis, and Guard Darrel Mitchell, who I know nothing about. A lot goes on here. Big Baby is shocked. John Brady crinkles his nose in triumph, while simultaneously demanding that players pull his finger. Darrel Mitchell tries to appear unassuming.

Fart Factor:

5 out of 10

Most Likely Fart Suspect:

You would think that as a rule, Big Baby did it. While it could be argued that rather than being shocked, he's merely attempting to push out a rather large trouser rattler, it's not him. Coach Brady is too happy to be mid-push, and wouldn't be extending his finger offer if he had already let loose.

Darrel with one "l" is attempting to be sly about it, but he's definitely to blame. Perhaps this is why he flamed out in the European League. Pun intended.

Special iTunes Offerings Lineup

2008-04-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

The Lineup: The holy-fucking-shit-she's-hot blonde and I guess Chuck, Lil' Bush, and two random actresses we'll never see again in a few weeks.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. Lots of interplay here:

Blindingly-hot chick heard something. Chuck is surprised at the accusation.

Fake cartoon Bush acts ambivalent but is slightly disturbed.

These two can really smell something, but who gives a shit about them and their minor accomplishments. Helloo cancellation!

Most likely fart suspect: The blonde. Her tight ass pushed out that air like a volleyball through a keyhole.