Shields Down! And Somebody Crack a Window!

The Lineup: The guy from "In Search Of," the old black woman from "Heroes," and the Priceline Negotiator.

Fart Factor: Warp 7, Captain. We've picked up readings of a noxious methane leak in the cabin, with possible traces of sulfur. Changing scanner frequency to isolate the source.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Not to narc him out, but I saw Sulu in the break room eating space egg rolls.

The Gas Face

The Lineup: A whole slew of rappers I've never heard of, looking threatening or threatened because someone just broke out an ass cipher.

Fart Factor: A respectable 9.2 out of 10. In the mix, surprise, shock, outrage, and social commentary.


MC Hoof Artid cannot "Belee Dat."


Superintendent Air Bizkit wishes his hat could be pulled lower.


Lighta Match was reading the New York Times and doesn't appreciate the distraction.


MC Skidd Marx regrets being the "featured" artist instead of T-Pain.


Pooter Tang wants to get to the bottom of this, without getting to the bottom of this.


Most Likely Fart Suspect: Mistah Fab. He tries to ignore the hub-bub, but you can see he's breaking a sweat over it.

"Fartknockers" Was Taken.

The lineup: A who's who of B and C-grade celebrities, all playing FBI profilers trying to find a serial killer in a terrible, terrible movie. Time is running out. And so is their oxygen supply.

Fart Factor: 7.5 out of 10. (clockwise from top) LL is that type of guy to drop gas and never tell. Random model chick feels threatened but pretty. Jonny Lee Miller stays cool but doesn't inhale. Kathryn Morris wishes her nose could disappear wherever her ears went. Random other dude warily (and wisely) keeps his mouth closed. Val Kilmer would like another meatball hoagie and a comb. And Christian Slater can't believe he's still in movies.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The watering eyeball in the secret square points at the shooter– K.M.!

Don't Follow Too Closely Behind.

The lineup: Caesar, Cleopatra, Napoleon, Attila, and Abe. And somehow Napoleon is the tallest one.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10 armies. Caesar gives another "Et tu?" speech. Cleopatra wonders how a computer mouse made it onto her chest. Attila the Hun refuses to acknowledge the stink. Lincoln understandably checks behind his head.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Pull his finger.