In Response To An Anonymous Complaint That We Haven't Posted Anything New In About A Year: The Who Farted Grab Bag!

From the "Iron Man 3" trailer:

 

 

And a photo of a little girl and some dude whose name we've all forgotten already:

Five-O Flatulence.

The Lineup:

Two of NY's finest on a quest for pickpockets, loitering, and seeing whose air biscuit can clear the sidewalk the fastest. And I think you can tell who's winning. Or can you? Upon closer inspection, it looks like the two of them may be letting one fly simultaneously. One thing's for sure, though: if you've ever asked yourself the question "what do donut farts smell like?", you can now rest assured that the answer is "bad."

Fart Factor:

7.5 out of 10

Most Likely Fart Suspect:

Probably both of them, though one appears to have more cause for alarm than the other. He may have sharted.

Rumble Down Under.

Before I pulled this picture off the web at random, I noticed that it had something to do with Australia and physics labs. Another international contribution!

You could surmise a lot from this photo. Who was the most gaseous, for instance. Let's take a closer look.

The lineup:

On the left:

Hair part, shorts, black socks. Rather large calves. He might be Joel's cousin. Anyway, he could be considered a suspect, sure. He's the type who would squeak one out on the couch, then sit down and giggle about it. Look, he's almost doing it right now! Can't you just see this picture coming to life?

Second from left:

What a contrast. We have sir red beard the mountain man, followed by this matronly maven. Her face doesn't reveal much. Which we can conclude means that she's smelling something pretty bad and trying not to make a stink (pun intended) about it. She just wants to get past it and onto the next project, like experimenting with pulley systems.

Third from left:

NOT HER. Of course not. She's way too relaxed, way too casual, way too just-having-a-good-time-sitting-next-to-my-farty-friends about the whole thing. 

Far right:

I'm going to surmise that he's the professor in the student/teacher relationship depicted here. Because he's standing. And he's the oldest. And he has a beard. Yes, so does #1, but his is more of a neck beard. This guy has professor-beard. 

And...he farted.

Absolutely it was him. The partial smile/partial grimace, the hands awkwardly sort-of-on-hips-like-he-just-let-one-go look, the overall nervousness. Again, if this picture were animated, he'd be squirming and grimacing. And while the angle won't tell us for sure, I bet he's the only one of the four who's married. He's used to giving dutch ovens and getting a slap on the wrist from the missus in return. Unlike the others, who don't want things to get awkward. He's over it all.

He's also wearing socks with sandals. 

Fart factor: 7 out of 10.

Most likely fart subject: The Teach.