Farty Keitel

(Alternate Title: Somebody Light a Cage Match)


The Lineup: The two leads from "Ghost Rider." I guess it was such a lucrative movie that they decided to team up again.

Fart Factor: 3 out of 10. Nicolas Cage gives that intense Nicolas Cage squint– he suspects that maybe whoever farted is hiding under the Declaration of Independence. Eva Mendes (I've gone on record saying I'd let her fart on me) looks more disappointed than anything. And a bunch of miniature cops have to sit in the big ol' stink cloud.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Nicolas Cage. What an a-hole.

Five-O Flatulence.

The Lineup:

Two of NY's finest on a quest for pickpockets, loitering, and seeing whose air biscuit can clear the sidewalk the fastest. And I think you can tell who's winning. Or can you? Upon closer inspection, it looks like the two of them may be letting one fly simultaneously. One thing's for sure, though: if you've ever asked yourself the question "what do donut farts smell like?", you can now rest assured that the answer is "bad."

Fart Factor:

7.5 out of 10

Most Likely Fart Suspect:

Probably both of them, though one appears to have more cause for alarm than the other. He may have sharted.

Teen Fart!

One look at an ad for Gossip Girl will tell you all you need to know about the series: that white kids communicate via meaningful glances!


But in order for us to play "Who Farted" better, let's work with a bigger shot of the cast.


The lineup: Doe-eyed Rachel Bilson wannabe, high-cheekboned Boone-from-Lost wannabe, blonde chick whose cheek mole has been photoshopped out, dude with a seriously 3D looking leather jacket, Sniff Monster, and a pre-herpes Tara Reid.

Fart factor: 7 out of 10. Someone has seriously dropped ass amidst the hub-bub of Times Square, and it looks like the traffic is rushing in a blur to get out of there. The two on the left are intrigued, while the two on the far right bemusedly discuss their next step. Blondie tries to keep a straight face, but cop dude takes her downtown for questioning.

Most likely fart suspect: Blondie