Not Just Strong. Army Strong.

(alternate title: Rear Admirals)


The lineup: Desperate Housewives, but not, because they're married to army guys, and it's on Lifetime instead of ABC. So it's totally different. And somebody farted.

Fart Factor: 7 out of 10. (Clockwise from the top) Sgt. Major Blondie is coy about the accusation. Corporal Vague Ethnicity is confident that she'll be exonerated. Private First Class Pantene Pro-V tries to ignore it altogether. Admiral Hey-That's-The-Girl-From-JAG-She's-Totally-Getting-Typecast thinks the P.F.C. dropped it. General Hoop Redhead won't be taking any shit– or gas– from Blondie anymore.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Pantene. Not asking and not telling totally doesn't work around here, baby.

When Storms Collide, Part III, Chapter Six: How Large Gas Balls Have Managed To Escape the Confines of My Lower Intestines To Invade Your Nostrils

The lineup: Over-wrought art-rock band Coheed & Cambria. CDs available at all Hot Topic and Hot Topic Express stores.

Fart Factor: 4 out of 10. No wind is blowing any hair here, so we know it was a meted-out squeaker. And woe is the photographer who was low to the ground. From left to right, Michael breaks his concentration at the clap of noise. Claudio maintains a facade of seriousness, although he seems to protest too much... Joshua pops his collar against the oncoming winds, and Travis takes it all in stride.

Most likely fart suspect: Travis. His side project is named "Fire Deuce." And that's all the evidence you need, really.