Not Just Strong. Army Strong.

(alternate title: Rear Admirals)


The lineup: Desperate Housewives, but not, because they're married to army guys, and it's on Lifetime instead of ABC. So it's totally different. And somebody farted.

Fart Factor: 7 out of 10. (Clockwise from the top) Sgt. Major Blondie is coy about the accusation. Corporal Vague Ethnicity is confident that she'll be exonerated. Private First Class Pantene Pro-V tries to ignore it altogether. Admiral Hey-That's-The-Girl-From-JAG-She's-Totally-Getting-Typecast thinks the P.F.C. dropped it. General Hoop Redhead won't be taking any shit– or gas– from Blondie anymore.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Pantene. Not asking and not telling totally doesn't work around here, baby.

Attracting Flies

The lineup: A windswept Hilary Swank and the little blonde girl from Bridge To Tarabithia, not to be confused with the little blonde girl from Atonement.

Fart Factor: 5 out of 10. There is something in the air. An unsettling hum of something big on the horizon. A silence broken by an oncoming roar. Somebody's eaten a barbacoa burrito from Chipotle and you cannot stop the methane onslaught: Poot!

Most Likely Fart Factor: Hilary doesn't want to hear the truth. But sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction and harder to take. The truth lies within her. But not for long.