Making The Ice Crack.

From the DVD menu to the indie movie "Frozen River:"


The Lineup: (from left to right) Stan Marsh, Shaun White, Holly Hunter, and the Star Wars kid. And two people drive away, disgusted.

Fart Factor: 4.3 out of 10. Kid mopes. Teen denies. Mom sniffs. Nerd ignores.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The little kid is hiding his face because his ass has already spoken.

Brundlefart

The Line Up: "Ah, well, you see...ah, we have three, ah, people there on the DVD, ah, cover...myself, Willem Dafoe, who ah, was great in "The English Patient," and, ah, some woman who I can't remember but who looks like, ah Anne Hathaway, yes."

Fart Factor: "Ah, I would say, ah, a 4 out of ten, yes... I look confused or embarrassed; maybe both. Willem Dafoe just looks tired, and ah, Anne Hathaway pretends she didn't even hear or, ah, smell it."

Most Likely Fart Suspect: "Who knows, ah? There's no predicting it. That's, ah, the beauty of Chaos Theory, yes."

Contributing To the Smog Problem

The Lineup: Three terrifyingly huge floating heads over L.A. and two men fucking.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Gina Torres' gigantic head definitely smells something and looks over the horizon for the source. Henry Simmons (I'm assuming that's his name since I have yet to meet a black man named Kip) scans the eastern shore. Kip waits around for another smoking gun. Then the two guys keep fucking, unawares of the ass terror coming their way.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Kip. Sure, blame it on the white guy.

The wheels on the bus go pffth pffth pffth.

The Lineup:

Four hungover college students from Texas A&M take the bus back from a debaucherous, regretful evening in which they probably all did each other and don't remember any of it.

Fart Factor:

6 out of 10.

Most Likely Fart Suspect:

If nothing else, one thing is prevalent throughout all facial expressions in this photo: apathy. From the girl begrudgingly texting to her friend thinking about whether or not her compadre wore protection, everyone's defeated at this point. The day-after beer fart let loose by the guy in the sunglasses garners a half-second of entertainment in a sea of bleakness for his orange-shirted buddy, but don't be fooled: this day has no hope. No one else even notices, or cares.