Unfortunate Album Cover.

Subway Wind Tunnel

The lineup: A mediocre TV show and a mediocre movie, together in the bowels of the New York Transit Authority.


Fart Factor: Overall, 7 out of 10. Joshua Jackson and Denethor, Steward of Gondor huddle behind the super-hot Anna Torv for shelter from the ass gas. Joshua thinks he thought it coming from over the hill. Denethor and the super-hot Anna Torv, however, accuse you, the viewer.


Meanwhile, Shia Laboeuoeuouef and the chick from MI:3 accuse each other of leaking the information. They're both equally offended, but only one is the true shooter.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: I guess her name is Michelle Monaghan. Whatever. Take her away, boys.

People...People Who Accuse People...

The lineup: The guy from Jaws and the woman from Yentl in a swirling, billowing tale of intrigue and methane.

Fart Factor: 4 out of 10. He's trying to help her, but only if she helps herself first. How the hell does that even apply to farting. Spell this movie backwards and you get the reaction to how bad it smells.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Richard Dreyfuss! Plot twist!

Pootraker

The lineup: Hot chick sidekick #421 and a finally good James Bond. Neither of them wanting to talk about what just happened.

Fart Factor: 007 out of 10. Aya C. Labia is new to the scene but holds her ground. James Bond pretends not to call attention to himself (or the gun icon pointed at his crotch) but walks upwind from her, just in case she's a turncoat. And they're in the middle of nowhere, so that should narrow down the suspects.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Q, who's wearing the cloaking device to the left of them.

Packing Your Own Lunch.

The Lineup: Four anonymous schmoes playing blue collar fellows for a comedy series on a male-oriented network. You can smell more than testosterone.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. Not Adrien Brody somehow cannot detect anything with his huge Adrien Brody-like nostrils. Scruff McGowan can, however, smell a hint of ass. Fat guy resigns himself to always being accused of doing it. And angry dude near the hinge looks at the others with contempt for ruining his air.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The angriest one in the group is usually protesting too much. So him.

Reboot

The Lineup: Some of Hollywood's most talented veteran actresses. You know all their names, except maybe Debra Messing's.

Fart Factor: An obvious 9 out of 10. Annette Bening tries to not let it interrupt a call with her agent. Jada Pinkett-Smith tries to fan it away towards Debra Messing's open mouth (gross). And Meg Ryan curls her already post-op, unnaturally-curled lip. Eva Mendez looks hotly recalcitrant.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Man, she is so hot. I'm not into farts, but I'd let her.

Someone's Lactose Intolerant.

Alternate title: HO HO HO Farted


The Lineup: Santa. Some elves. Some Martians. Oh yeah. And a robot. Zero sense.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Santa is clearly unjolly about whoever did it. There are stoic Martians and a huge honking robot in his house, and someone cutting a gyro isn't exactly making his life simpler. Santa's even rolled up his sleeves to get to the bottom of it.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Martian #3 to the right. He's trying to act natural, because Santa looks PISSED.