Farty Keitel

(Alternate Title: Somebody Light a Cage Match)


The Lineup: The two leads from "Ghost Rider." I guess it was such a lucrative movie that they decided to team up again.

Fart Factor: 3 out of 10. Nicolas Cage gives that intense Nicolas Cage squint– he suspects that maybe whoever farted is hiding under the Declaration of Independence. Eva Mendes (I've gone on record saying I'd let her fart on me) looks more disappointed than anything. And a bunch of miniature cops have to sit in the big ol' stink cloud.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Nicolas Cage. What an a-hole.

The Stink and I

The Lineup: Nell and not Yul Brynner.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. In a battle of wills, East collides with West, and a rank cirrus cloud of stank permeates through the silk. Jodie Foster begs the king's pardon, and Chow Yun-Fat smiles through the awkward moment, trying to rise above it.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Chow.

Reboot

The Lineup: Some of Hollywood's most talented veteran actresses. You know all their names, except maybe Debra Messing's.

Fart Factor: An obvious 9 out of 10. Annette Bening tries to not let it interrupt a call with her agent. Jada Pinkett-Smith tries to fan it away towards Debra Messing's open mouth (gross). And Meg Ryan curls her already post-op, unnaturally-curled lip. Eva Mendez looks hotly recalcitrant.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Man, she is so hot. I'm not into farts, but I'd let her.