Clear The Pool!

The lineup: (clockwise from top left) That guy, that other guy, that chick, and that guy.

Fart Factor: A perfect 10 out of 10. Guy 1 shoots it out with the grace of a swan. Guy 2 is enraptured by the thrill of release. The chick barrels forward with the power of her thighs, and the last guy makes it squeak so loud it whistles.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: EVERYONE.

Must...Fan...Air...

The Lineup: The extremely hot Diane Lane, the extremely likeable John Cusack, and the extremely flatulent Walter the Farting Dog.


Fart Factor: 7 out of 10. Diane hotly tries to deflect suspicion away from herself, directing all attention to John...


...but John isn't having it. She's such a scamp that way, that woman! He shoots back a look that says, "No, honey, that was not me" and sends the attention to...


..."Aww man. Why is always blamed on me? I mean, my diet consists mainly of dry dog food and water, so how can something that smells so bad be attributed to me? It's not like I've been the one making drunken trips to Del Taco at 4am. You know what? This is bullshit."

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Diane Lane.

Yet Another Unfortunate Album Cover.

This one from Japan. From the album "Rainbow" by Ayumi Hamasaki, whoever that is:

Can You Feel It?

The Lineup: Oscar winner Forest Whitaker, Virginia Madsen, Minnie... oh hell, you can read, can't you? Shit.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. A cloud of mystery surrounds the whole group. Forest tries desperately to look innocent. Minnie Driver is about to take names. Virginia Madsen pretends she's sitting at another table. And Philippe Caland (?????????) contemplates his fate as he dies in a yellow cloud.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Minnie Driver. How do you like them apples?

Please Open the Airlock.

The lineup: Commander William T. Riker, Counselor Deanna Troi-Riker, and Dr. Beverly Crusher. God, I am such a nerd.

Warp Factor: 6 out of 10. The close quarters of the Starship Enterprise makes for lots of shared moments amongst its crew. Hermetically-sealed airlocks, shields, and narrow passageways keep the crew in a constant asteroid field of poop ghosts. It doesn't help either that if one were to fart in that onesy uniform, the only escape for the bubble would be at the collar. Here on the medical bay, someone has rendered the entire room non-sterile. Is it Riker? He seems distracted but determined to overcome. Counselor Troi's magnificent schnoz looks like it's picking up life signs that aren't hers. And Dr. Crusher? She definitely seems to be shooting daggers (set on kill) at someone.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Look closely: the always astute Dr. Crusher is pointing her tricorder at the most likely source of the anomoly: Counselor Troi's ass.