Live From Cleveland

"Chaos begins when the heat rises...from someone's pants."

The Lineup: An EXTREMELY huge Val Kilmer, who's obviously let himself go, and three girls whose names I don't care to learn. And a fan inside the lettering can't blow away the whiff, so they're all screwed.

Fart Factor: A steamingly hot 9. Girl 1 cannot believe it- she just straightened her hair. Girl 2 (Anne Heche?) denies knowing anything about a fart. Girl 3 should really close her mouth. And ginormous Val Kilmer just enjoys the rancid cloud and lets it seep into his beard. And somewhere towards the floor of the room, Willow is gasping his last breath.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Girl 3. And she's about to let another one, by the looks of it.

Who Farted Freestyle--Rocky Balboa (2006)

Overall Fart Factor: 7

Don't ask, don't smell.

The lineup:

Two stock-photography soldiers in basic training strain their muscles and bowels alike.

Fart factor:

8 out of 10.

Most likely fart suspect:

It's a highly proven scientific fact that strenuous physical activity causes additional biscuits of air to propel themselves into our atmosphere. And to that end (pun intended), these guys sure are propelling something. They'll make it. Damn right they'll make it. Both of them farted. Each in their own way. 

Please Open the Airlock.

The lineup: Commander William T. Riker, Counselor Deanna Troi-Riker, and Dr. Beverly Crusher. God, I am such a nerd.

Warp Factor: 6 out of 10. The close quarters of the Starship Enterprise makes for lots of shared moments amongst its crew. Hermetically-sealed airlocks, shields, and narrow passageways keep the crew in a constant asteroid field of poop ghosts. It doesn't help either that if one were to fart in that onesy uniform, the only escape for the bubble would be at the collar. Here on the medical bay, someone has rendered the entire room non-sterile. Is it Riker? He seems distracted but determined to overcome. Counselor Troi's magnificent schnoz looks like it's picking up life signs that aren't hers. And Dr. Crusher? She definitely seems to be shooting daggers (set on kill) at someone.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Look closely: the always astute Dr. Crusher is pointing her tricorder at the most likely source of the anomoly: Counselor Troi's ass.