Swamp Gas

The Lineup: (from left) Nobody, Nobody, Nobody, Nobody, and Nobody. And a tagline that bubbles up to the surface.

Fart Factor: A+. First dude is really pissed about it. Second dude is still taking in a whiff. The first two girls are daydreaming about a fart-free Louisiana, and the third girl wishes she hung out with Seniors for a change.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Guy #2. He's kind of proud about it.

The Stink and I

The Lineup: Nell and not Yul Brynner.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. In a battle of wills, East collides with West, and a rank cirrus cloud of stank permeates through the silk. Jodie Foster begs the king's pardon, and Chow Yun-Fat smiles through the awkward moment, trying to rise above it.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Chow.

And Yet Another Unfortunate Album Cover

Alternate titles: Squeezed Dreams, Eurfarting, and No More I Love Yous.

Must...Fan...Air...

The Lineup: The extremely hot Diane Lane, the extremely likeable John Cusack, and the extremely flatulent Walter the Farting Dog.


Fart Factor: 7 out of 10. Diane hotly tries to deflect suspicion away from herself, directing all attention to John...


...but John isn't having it. She's such a scamp that way, that woman! He shoots back a look that says, "No, honey, that was not me" and sends the attention to...


..."Aww man. Why is always blamed on me? I mean, my diet consists mainly of dry dog food and water, so how can something that smells so bad be attributed to me? It's not like I've been the one making drunken trips to Del Taco at 4am. You know what? This is bullshit."

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Diane Lane.

Yet Another Unfortunate Album Cover.

This one from Japan. From the album "Rainbow" by Ayumi Hamasaki, whoever that is:

The PseudoTemple of Poot

The Lineup: Richard Chamberlain, because his name had the closest syllables to "Allan Quatermain," and that woman who built an entire film career from showing her pussy. Yeah, and I know it's a drawing rather than a photo, but fuck off.


Fart Factor: A feeble 5 out of 10, despite the actors' best efforts.


Allan Chambermain smells something terrible and wants to shoot it.


Sharon Stone also smells something terrible and wants to shoot it, but right after she flashes her vagina.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Look closely at the poster.


Richard Quaterlain is wafting away the poot, which originates from SHARON STONE! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!

Fart On Three. One...Two...

The Lineup: You can read, can't you? Jesus.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Both men are offended, although only one of them is innocent. Travolta thinks it smells so bad he has to clench his jaw. Denzel tries to rise above it all but can't get beyond the offense. And a train is coming out of the hole.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: I really hate to accuse the black guy, but yeah.