C-C-C-Cold-Farted

The Lineup: Paula Abdul and the proud, sculpted likeness of the Greek god Mercury in a leather jacket, both starring in the straight-to-video romance "Harlequi$4.99 Sweet Deals"

Fart Factor: A dense 8 out of 10. Paula looks acutely ashamed of the blue mist she left her friend in. He however, tries to nobly hold his breath for as long as he can. Paula leans on a nearby wall either out of exhaustion or because she's drunk again.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Simon! What?????

Smells Like Hell.

The Lineup: Tom Hanks and a sea of men of the cloth, one of whom is grabbing his crotch (surprise, surprise).
Fart Factor: A weak 4 out of 10. Everyone knows priests fart in their frocks all the time, so locating the source would be as easy as grabbing any of them by the shoulder.
Most Likely Fart Factor: The priest who just passed by the foreground– you see how he opened up his robes? Jeez, somebody light some incense in here.

Unfortunate Book Cover of the Month

Unfortunate Magazine Cover of the Month

Smells Rotten

The Lineup: Hellboy, Charlie from LOST, and 2 evil characters from a Dickens novel.

Fart Factor: A breezy 7 out of 10. Ron Perlman is caught at his least expressive, meaning he doesn't even smell the fart. Dominic Monaghan, however, is getting chest pains from inhaling. The left old coot suspects everyone else. The right old coot considers whipping his horse.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Left old coot. You can tell he's the one that farted because all the color went out of his face.

Old Fart, or That's Not a Motorcycle Sound

Here's a lovely photo clipped from the British paper "Mail." Yep.

Cover Your Nose, Mouth, and Ass

From a Flu Prevention flyer I got at work:


The Lineup: Happy black chick, worried accountant lady, aloof white dude, concerned Asian woman, unconcerned young intern, white-haired dude who's breaking the fourth fucking wall, and Kristen Wiig who just saw the box office receipts for "MacGruber."

Fart Factor: a heavy, dense 8 out of 10. Black chick doesn't smell or care. Worried accountant just gagged, aloof white dude is thinking of a math solution to get him out of there, concerned Asian woman wonders what smells like kobe beef, unconcerned young intern is sexting her boyfriend who's cheating on her, white-haired dude SHOULD NOT BE LOOKING AT THE FUCKING CAMERA, and Kristen Wiig should not have taken the part in "MacGruber."

Most Likely Fart Suspect: (as circled by Tom Weingard):