Clear The Pool!

The lineup: (clockwise from top left) That guy, that other guy, that chick, and that guy.

Fart Factor: A perfect 10 out of 10. Guy 1 shoots it out with the grace of a swan. Guy 2 is enraptured by the thrill of release. The chick barrels forward with the power of her thighs, and the last guy makes it squeak so loud it whistles.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: EVERYONE.

Making The Ice Crack.

From the DVD menu to the indie movie "Frozen River:"


The Lineup: (from left to right) Stan Marsh, Shaun White, Holly Hunter, and the Star Wars kid. And two people drive away, disgusted.

Fart Factor: 4.3 out of 10. Kid mopes. Teen denies. Mom sniffs. Nerd ignores.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The little kid is hiding his face because his ass has already spoken.

Unfortunate Album Cover of the Month

From the hardcore band Structures, what is supposed to depict something awesome like a volcano in the ocean looks like an old man's chapped ass after a trip to Del Taco.

Unfortunate Movie Poster of the Month

The smoke + that unfortunate placement of that second "0" in "2010." Smelly.

Do You Smell Dog?

The Lineup: Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt, Agent Smith and Benicio Del Toro in the role he was born to play.

Fart Factor: 6.2 out of 10. Suddenly Hannibal Lecter isn't hungry. Emily Blunt can't understand how some people can be so darn rude. Hugo Weaving can't get the smell out of his 'stache. Benicio smells so bad already, he can't even tell the difference.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The wolf. Because everyone blames the dog.

Special Guest Entry: "Congratulations, It's A Fart!"

Submitted by old school hip hop DJ John Reid, a terrible Lindsay Lohan vehicle:


The Lineup: Lindsay Lohan looks up at us as we catch her farting an M.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Lindsay's been doing so much coke, she glows and apparently reeks of urine. This has affected her gastrointestinal tract, causing her to excrete out offensive bits of gas. Most recently, "I Know Who Killed Me" and "Herbie Fully Loaded."

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Lindsay, although she'll most likely blame her Dad.

No, It's Not.

The Lineup: The inimitable Meryl Streep and Stephen Baldwin's fat brother star in this year's box office Dutch oven.

Fart Factor: 8 for intensity. 2 for mystery.

Most Likely Fart Factor: PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN.