Cover Your Nose, Mouth, and Ass

From a Flu Prevention flyer I got at work:


The Lineup: Happy black chick, worried accountant lady, aloof white dude, concerned Asian woman, unconcerned young intern, white-haired dude who's breaking the fourth fucking wall, and Kristen Wiig who just saw the box office receipts for "MacGruber."

Fart Factor: a heavy, dense 8 out of 10. Black chick doesn't smell or care. Worried accountant just gagged, aloof white dude is thinking of a math solution to get him out of there, concerned Asian woman wonders what smells like kobe beef, unconcerned young intern is sexting her boyfriend who's cheating on her, white-haired dude SHOULD NOT BE LOOKING AT THE FUCKING CAMERA, and Kristen Wiig should not have taken the part in "MacGruber."

Most Likely Fart Suspect: (as circled by Tom Weingard):

"It's As If She Evaporated Through the Walls..."

A WFP first: A request by Anonymous:


The Lineup: Let's see... Leonardo Dicaprio standing over a barren miniature prison island. And he had to light a match to belay the stink. Yep, that's it.

Fart Factor: 3 out of 10. No mystery here. Maybe Leonardo is going crazy like he did in "The Beach" or "The Basketball Diaries" or "The Aviator" and suspects someone other than himself.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Himself.

Sound Effect Not Needed

The Lineup: Speed Buggy, Not Fred, Not Daphne, and Not Shaggy

Fart Factor: 8 for loudness. 3 for mystery. The human trio all looking at Speed as if he's right in the middle of one hell of a skidmark-making road ripper. And all three of them apparently sporting wood, too.

Most Likely Fart Suspect:Daphne! Trademark twist ending! BRRRRRAAAP!!

Unfortunate Album Cover of the Month

Extra bonus for the unfortunate album title.

Clear The Pool!

The lineup: (clockwise from top left) That guy, that other guy, that chick, and that guy.

Fart Factor: A perfect 10 out of 10. Guy 1 shoots it out with the grace of a swan. Guy 2 is enraptured by the thrill of release. The chick barrels forward with the power of her thighs, and the last guy makes it squeak so loud it whistles.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: EVERYONE.

Making The Ice Crack.

From the DVD menu to the indie movie "Frozen River:"


The Lineup: (from left to right) Stan Marsh, Shaun White, Holly Hunter, and the Star Wars kid. And two people drive away, disgusted.

Fart Factor: 4.3 out of 10. Kid mopes. Teen denies. Mom sniffs. Nerd ignores.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The little kid is hiding his face because his ass has already spoken.

Unfortunate Album Cover of the Month

From the hardcore band Structures, what is supposed to depict something awesome like a volcano in the ocean looks like an old man's chapped ass after a trip to Del Taco.