Monday, February 12, 2018

STOP THAT TRAIN!


The Lineup: Somewhere between Norwood and Forest Hills, the train car with only two passengers has gotten too crowded. Shelby is on her way to an important lunch meeting. Karl is just riding for fun.

Fart Factor: By the surprised look on her face, 8. That thang be stankin'.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: No surprise twist here. It's him. Oh God, it's him.

Can You Hear Me, Lord?


Pictured above, a true believer lets out a cloud of yellow.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Album Cover Fartness


DID YOU KNOW? Fabolous—other than really fucking with your autocorrect—can pass entire gaseous planets after two breakfast burritos.

MR. CRACK!

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Le Passé Gassé


Le Lineup: Deux hommes, une femme. Et l'odeur de la mort.

Le Factor de Fart: 8 sur 10. Les deux hommes se déclarent coupables, et la femme soupçonne la plus grande mec. Un paume d'or a été pendu pour dissiper la puanteur.

Probablement Suspect de Peté: Les sales Américains!

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Okay, Who Did It Really?


A TV show I wouldn't be surprised is already canceled has a poster that I don't understand but don't care enough to clarify. These are all older versions of the kids who killed another kid years ago or something? Yawn.

The Lineup: This guy looking right, that guy looking left, that other guy looking bored, that last guy who showed up late and had to stand in the back, and Winona Ryder doppelgänger wishing she were the one cast in "Stranger Things" instead. Plus a group photo of children who just dumped another kid's body.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. This guy challenges everyone else to accuse him of farting, That guy can't believe he's being challenged. That other guy hopes that didn't stain his last pair of clean underwear. That last guy is too far to smell whatever's going on, and the real Winona Ryder laughs as her doppelgänger stands in a cloud of warm butt. 

Most Likely Fart Suspect: BIG TWIST- it was the KIDS! The KIDS!

*Boring update: The Game of Silence iMDB page (yes, there really is one) says the show is "based on the true story of children (Ali Avcı, Metin Subaşı, Levent Hamurcu) who were sentenced in absentia to nine years in prison on the charge of stealing some baklava dessert in Gaziantep in 1997."


Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Smells Like Dead Flesh



The Lineup: Sasha, Maggie Green, Glenn Rhee, Daryl Dixon, Rick Grimes, Morgan Jones, Gabriel Stokes, Deanna Monroe, Aaron, Jessie Anderson, and Spencer Monroe (can you tell I watch the show?)

Fart Factor: A terrifying 8 out of 10. Two sides are accusing each other, while Rick either dares Morgan to fess up or accuse him. Morgan intensely avoids eye contact. Meanwhile, a brown cloud hangs over the entire neighborhood.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Maggie. She ate the last can of sardines, and let's just say it wasn't properly sealed.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

WHOA! That Hurts!


The Lineup: Tiny Keanu, who looks like he really let out a painful one. Large Floating Keanu, who is judging you SO HARD. And Large Floating Morgan Freeman, who regrets to get involved with any of it.

Fart Factor: Pretty huge. Like a 10 out of 10. That fart is so powerful, it's emitting light at the end of the tunnel. And notice how both floating heads are keeping their mouths shut.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Tiny Keanu better run before those floating heads catch their breath long enough to eat him.