Saturday, September 17, 2016

Okay, Who Did It Really?

A TV show I wouldn't be surprised is already canceled has a poster that I don't understand but don't care enough to clarify. These are all older versions of the kids who killed another kid years ago or something? Yawn.

The Lineup: This guy looking right, that guy looking left, that other guy looking bored, that last guy who showed up late and had to stand in the back, and Winona Ryder doppelgänger wishing she were the one cast in "Stranger Things" instead. Plus a group photo of children who just dumped another kid's body.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. This guy challenges everyone else to accuse him of farting, That guy can't believe he's being challenged. That other guy hopes that didn't stain his last pair of clean underwear. That last guy is too far to smell whatever's going on, and the real Winona Ryder laughs as her doppelgänger stands in a cloud of warm butt. 

Most Likely Fart Suspect: BIG TWIST- it was the KIDS! The KIDS!

*Boring update: The Game of Silence iMDB page (yes, there really is one) says the show is "based on the true story of children (Ali Avcı, Metin Subaşı, Levent Hamurcu) who were sentenced in absentia to nine years in prison on the charge of stealing some baklava dessert in Gaziantep in 1997."

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Smells Like Dead Flesh

The Lineup: Sasha, Maggie Green, Glenn Rhee, Daryl Dixon, Rick Grimes, Morgan Jones, Gabriel Stokes, Deanna Monroe, Aaron, Jessie Anderson, and Spencer Monroe (can you tell I watch the show?)

Fart Factor: A terrifying 8 out of 10. Two sides are accusing each other, while Rick either dares Morgan to fess up or accuse him. Morgan intensely avoids eye contact. Meanwhile, a brown cloud hangs over the entire neighborhood.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Maggie. She ate the last can of sardines, and let's just say it wasn't properly sealed.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

WHOA! That Hurts!

The Lineup: Tiny Keanu, who looks like he really let out a painful one. Large Floating Keanu, who is judging you SO HARD. And Large Floating Morgan Freeman, who regrets to get involved with any of it.

Fart Factor: Pretty huge. Like a 10 out of 10. That fart is so powerful, it's emitting light at the end of the tunnel. And notice how both floating heads are keeping their mouths shut.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Tiny Keanu better run before those floating heads catch their breath long enough to eat him.

Who Was That?

Editor's Note: Good God, it's almost been TWO YEARS since the last post?!

The Lineup: Christopher 1,  Christopher 2, Christopher 3, Christopher 4.

Fart Factor: A solid 4 out of 4. The tension between them is tangible. And smellable.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Take your pick- you'll be correct.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

A Solid Pop Hit

The Lineup: Ronnie Hawkins (who?) on his LP release, "Rockin'."

Fart Factor: A rockin' 8.4. With one leg up and a hand ready to wave it away, Ronnie serves it up like a 6-year old starter at a tee-ball championship.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: It's always, and will always be Ronnie.

Friday, May 30, 2014

"Left Behind," Indeed

The Lineup: Nicolas Cage, Jordin Sparks, and the Nebraska City Theatre Players.

Fart Factor: An apocalyptic 8.4 out of 10. Jordin Sparks tries to wring the odor out of her keffiyeh. Blonde Girl 1 keeps it casual. Nicolas Cage's Face tries to deal with the fact that it was Photoshopped onto Captain Charlie Sheen's body. Froggy Fresh still can't believe you dunked on him. And Blonde Girl 2 keeps it professional. And they all cannot believe lighting farts could decimate a city like that, honest.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Detroit

Monday, February 10, 2014

An Abusive Relationship

From the Hindi movie "Darling:"

The Lineup: Some grunge-loving Indian guy from Seattle, circa 1996 and his gigantic, projected girlfriend.

Fart Factor: 4 out of 10. The girl seems to enjoy how our wifebeater-and-huge-British-Knights-wearing hero cuts one right in her face and then smashes her forehead with his paper-thin geetar.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: LOVE