But It Smells Like Detroit.

The Lineup: Peter Sarsgaard, Sienna Miller, and the server from Bennigan's who would like to know if I'm interested in Tanked Wings, Hoagie-Stogies or B-Bite Sliders this evening or if he'd like to just start me out with a drink order.

Fart Factor: Way high. About an 8.87. Sarsgaard plays it cool, not trying to make any eye contact through all the lens flares. Sienna, however, knows what's up already. And the server from Bennigan's is sorry, but they're out of both Guinness Glazed Chicken & Shrimp and the Black & Bleu Bacon Burger, but they can make a Tavern Melt really quickly, if I'd like that.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Bennigan's. Either the melted American cheese or the sautéed onions were enough to cause my ass to start a Happy Birthday clap song.

Holocronic Diarrhea

Alternate Title: "Rumblebee"


The Lineup: Megan Fox, Shiaia LaBeoueuff, and several big piles of soda cans, all running from the hugest beef the desert has ever witnessed.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Sand clouds, light beams, and even scrap metal is flying everywhere because someone ate a seven layer burrito the night before.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Like anything from Michael Bay, it's hard to tell because it's all so jumbled.