Overall Fart Factor: 9
Thursday, June 12, 2008
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Factoid
Farting in general is inconsiderate. But there are some situations when it's just plain rude.
Q&A 4
Have you ever wondered who that is farting in Yoga Class? It's Amanda.
Q&A 3
People can sometimes burp the alphabet, so why can't they fart the alphabet? Well, because something terrible usually happens around "J."
Fun Fact 5
If you get your hands on a police taser, you can pretty much make anyone fart on cue.
Advice Corner #5
Farting is often an involuntary response to stress. So you shouldn't feel too bad about it when it happens, okay? Okay.
Apple Whoopie Cushion Widget (thanks, Vince!)
Fun Fact 4
Anyone who tells you that farts smell like sulfur hasn't smelled mine after a trip to Outback. Seriously.
Fun Fact 3
Do women fart during childbirth? You can bet your sweet fucking ass they do.
Quick Tip 12
If there were a point system, I bet farting in a crowded elevator would be up there.
Advice Corner #4
Whenever I fart really loudly, and somebody says 'Better check your pants,' I always want to say 'FUCK YOU. I got a handle on this.'
Advice Corner #3
If you could hold your fart until after your parole hearing, that would be best.
Advice Corner #2
Do you like lots of garlic in your food? Well, be prepared to deal with the consequences later when you fart.
Quick Tip 11
Remember: Farting on a tandem bicycle is cool to only one of you.
Fun Fact 2
Jordin Sparks' megahit "No Air" was written after a sound engineer farted in the recording booth. True story!
Quick Tip 10
If you ever get kicked out of a salad bar for farting, keep loading up your plate. They can't make you put it back.
Advice Corner
If you ever meet someone who says they never fart, don't believe them. That is some bullshit.
Quick Tip 9
If you ever fart at a funeral, keep crying. People will get over it.
Q&A 2
What's the difference between making a fart and a shart? Patience.
Quick Tip 8
Next time you have to fart, slice an apple in half. That way, when you're finished farting, you have two apple halves to eat!
Quick Tip 7
After farting in a car, don't roll down the window. Turn up the heat!
Quick Tip #6
Beer farts. Man, they're the worst.
Q&A
When strippers fart, is there a cloud of glitter? Sometimes.
Quick Tip 5
Fart near Sally Struthers whenever possible. It's easy to blame it on her.
Quick TIp 4
At a French restaurant? Need to fart? Shoot it out when the cheese platter is presented. No one will know!
Quick Tip
Don't fart in the shower. The falling water won't prevent it from wafting up.
Quick Tip 2
Commuting? Need to pass gas? Just fart in a revolving door– it's like roulette with bad smells!
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