Keep the Queen at arms length.

The lineup:

The royal guard. Or, at least, a crude, if somewhat smelly, imitation. Also appearing is that stupid girl who threw out the peace sign in the movie poster for this awful flick. In fact, that poster probably deserves its own post.It would appear that even as the guard changes, the smell lingers.

Fart factor:

6 out of 10.

Most likely fart suspect:

Sometimes, even a straight face can reveal a pained expression. Both of the guards farted, and the stupid girl things it's goddamn hilarious. 

Fartinonya

The Lineup: A whole array of Indian actors who are unknown in the States but are probably motherfuckin' HUGE in India. Also, George Harrison with eyeliner.

Fart Factor: 9.5 out of 10. Some serious clouds are wafting along the plains, and it ain't from a train's smokestack. From left to right, Surush is inquisitive; Arpana is optimistically stimulated; Rajat is stern and bored; George Harrison's sitar gently weeps; Captain Nayakan feels deeply threatened; Kanvar is terrified; Gaurang is defiantly defensive. Meanwhile, a royal guard on the plains tries to kill the title of the movie.

Most likely fart suspect: The director Vidhu Chopra (not pictured) who just wanted to show India's A-Listers who's really fueling the train.