Smells Rotten

The Lineup: Hellboy, Charlie from LOST, and 2 evil characters from a Dickens novel.

Fart Factor: A breezy 7 out of 10. Ron Perlman is caught at his least expressive, meaning he doesn't even smell the fart. Dominic Monaghan, however, is getting chest pains from inhaling. The left old coot suspects everyone else. The right old coot considers whipping his horse.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Left old coot. You can tell he's the one that farted because all the color went out of his face.

Shields Down! And Somebody Crack a Window!

The Lineup: The guy from "In Search Of," the old black woman from "Heroes," and the Priceline Negotiator.

Fart Factor: Warp 7, Captain. We've picked up readings of a noxious methane leak in the cabin, with possible traces of sulfur. Changing scanner frequency to isolate the source.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Not to narc him out, but I saw Sulu in the break room eating space egg rolls.

The Stink and I

The Lineup: Nell and not Yul Brynner.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. In a battle of wills, East collides with West, and a rank cirrus cloud of stank permeates through the silk. Jodie Foster begs the king's pardon, and Chow Yun-Fat smiles through the awkward moment, trying to rise above it.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Chow.

The Gas Face

The Lineup: A whole slew of rappers I've never heard of, looking threatening or threatened because someone just broke out an ass cipher.

Fart Factor: A respectable 9.2 out of 10. In the mix, surprise, shock, outrage, and social commentary.


MC Hoof Artid cannot "Belee Dat."


Superintendent Air Bizkit wishes his hat could be pulled lower.


Lighta Match was reading the New York Times and doesn't appreciate the distraction.


MC Skidd Marx regrets being the "featured" artist instead of T-Pain.


Pooter Tang wants to get to the bottom of this, without getting to the bottom of this.


Most Likely Fart Suspect: Mistah Fab. He tries to ignore the hub-bub, but you can see he's breaking a sweat over it.

Mall Flatulanders

If you've never heard of Journeys, next time you're at a mall, look somewhere between the Structure and the Hot Topic. It's there. And their excellent Holiday catalog gives a revealing look at its target audience: teens who like to bundle up while 'hanging loose' and 'chillin' indoors.


The lineup: Unisex Canvas Jacket with Pockets, $39.95; Women's Chocolate Nylon jacket with faux fur trim, $45.00; Plaid Thermal, $24.00; White Fur Hoodie, $40.00, and "Fresh To Death" T-Shirt, Charcoal, $20.00.


Unisex Canvas Jacket is ALL denial. Like he even does that. Come on, guys, seriously!


The trio of women's wear aren't even hearing it. They're all like, "We totally heard you, so don't even act like you didn't!"


Meanwhile, late-twentysomething-trying-to-look-teenager is all, "Dude. Don't even look here for any backup. Like, you're on your own. And I'm in the military, by the way."

Fart Factor: 7.8 out of 10

Most likely fart suspect: In case you thought maybe he was too cool to do something as stupid as fart in front of chicks, consider this: