Burning Methane

The Line-uppe: Monsieur Vin Diesel Look-alike een a well tailored suit, Monsieur Jean-Philippe Badass sans shirt, et Mademoiselle Hugeboob in a French action film explosif de Alain Desrotters. Oh la la!

Facteur de Fart: 7 out of, how do you say, 10?


Monsieur Baldé theenks that somewohn has leeked a fart een the atmosphere. He cannot believe his nostreels!


Jean-Luc Scruffé can smell something térrible, certainement. Eet has started to curl hees hair, no?


Et le pretty lady avec les grandes nichons knows the foul odour ees wafting een her direction. C'est horrible pour elle!


There ees also a personne spirituele gigantique een the background, seeting een the meest. Ees he the source of the fart? Or is he the fart eetself?

Most Likely Suspect de Fart: Germany. They start everytheeng!

Shields Down! And Somebody Crack a Window!

The Lineup: The guy from "In Search Of," the old black woman from "Heroes," and the Priceline Negotiator.

Fart Factor: Warp 7, Captain. We've picked up readings of a noxious methane leak in the cabin, with possible traces of sulfur. Changing scanner frequency to isolate the source.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Not to narc him out, but I saw Sulu in the break room eating space egg rolls.

I'll Be There For You

The Lineup: Jennifer and Dave.

Fart Factor: 6 out of 10. Dave is having a hard time listening either because he wants to catch a peek at her "Rachel" or because he can't hear her over the loud butt clap.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Sorry, we're all out of time. Good night, folks!

Breakfast? No Thanks.

The Lineup: A princess, a brain, and an athlete.

Fart Factor: Pretty high. I heard a noise from the other room, and I know it was one of you. So you better tell me who it was right now. You know what? You just bought yourself another Saturday, mister.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: The big statue. At least that's what the basket case said.

But It Smells Like Detroit.

The Lineup: Peter Sarsgaard, Sienna Miller, and the server from Bennigan's who would like to know if I'm interested in Tanked Wings, Hoagie-Stogies or B-Bite Sliders this evening or if he'd like to just start me out with a drink order.

Fart Factor: Way high. About an 8.87. Sarsgaard plays it cool, not trying to make any eye contact through all the lens flares. Sienna, however, knows what's up already. And the server from Bennigan's is sorry, but they're out of both Guinness Glazed Chicken & Shrimp and the Black & Bleu Bacon Burger, but they can make a Tavern Melt really quickly, if I'd like that.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Bennigan's. Either the melted American cheese or the sautéed onions were enough to cause my ass to start a Happy Birthday clap song.

Holocronic Diarrhea

Alternate Title: "Rumblebee"


The Lineup: Megan Fox, Shiaia LaBeoueuff, and several big piles of soda cans, all running from the hugest beef the desert has ever witnessed.

Fart Factor: 8 out of 10. Sand clouds, light beams, and even scrap metal is flying everywhere because someone ate a seven layer burrito the night before.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Like anything from Michael Bay, it's hard to tell because it's all so jumbled.

I Vant To Go Into Another Room!

The Lineup: Mopey & pale vampire dude, young Josh Brolin, and Kristen Stewart with so much makeup, she resembles an old Chinese masseuse.

Fart Factor: A bloodsucking 5 out of 10. Rob Pattinson was distracted enough to lose his heroic pose. Josh Brolin thought he heard a duck, and Kristen Stewart shields herself from the brown mist.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Look at Josh Brolin's hands. He forced one out like a bat out of hell.